I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?

Emily Dickinson

I have a famous friend.

Actually, let me clarify that…

I’m acquainted with a few famous people who are always gracious and lovely to me whenever they see me. I also know a number of folk who are at the very pinnacle of their creative capabilities, who are heroes among those who share their passions. These virtues make them famous in their field. I met a lot of properly, massively famous people during my years at MTV, people like Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer (LOVED him), Elton John and Paul McCartney (who busted in on an interview I was doing with Take That – which was random) and OH MY GOD I met Amber Valetta once (when she was in the film ‘Hitch’) She remains the most extraordinarily beautiful woman I have ever seen outside of my own bedroom…and just think about that for a second before you accuse me of narcissism. The FRECKLES on her though…my GOD.

Yet despite all the fortunate encounters with these otherworldly creatures only once (so far) has one of them become a friend. Like, a real, proper friend. This person (who will be both horrified and elated to find himself the subject of a blog post) would no longer count himself as being particulary famous, but the truth is that he has one of those faces that makes people do double takes. Girls touch their necks and sweep their wispy hair bits behind their ears when they see him. Boys bowl straight over to say Hiya to him because they feel like they know him already. Yep, he’s a looker. He’s also excellent at what he does. He has a brain the size of a planet squashed in behind his pretty little face too, but not many people know or give credit to that, which is annoying.

But we’ll come back to that. 

Now, although none of my friend’s great assets are lost on me – especially the clever brain bit – nor do any of them register on my personal sexy scale. This is possibly part of the reason why - during a seven hour drinking session many years ago throughout which various cast members of Hollyoaks and Coronation Street did karaoke in the background – we engaged in a conversation that (unbeknownst to us) was to take on such epic proportions that it gained the power to push us through the great invisible barrier from work colleagues to uber-pals. During the growing hours of that long Mancunian morning I was given access to my first genuinely unusual mind.

You see, you have to remember that (due to my armed forces lineage) I grew up all over the show emotionally, and all over the country geographically. I went to every kind of school (public/private/comprehensive) and felt both kindred and estranged from everyone I met. Also, a bit like an ‘Aldi’ Clare Balding, I grew up with animals as my friends (horses in particular) not people, but – unlike Clare – I was also socially awkward and a bit mixed up. I also lived in the sticks.

To me, famous people seemed the most exotic of all human creatures. I never saw any. EVER. Nobody did. This was BEFORE celebrity culture imploded and any old attention seeker was given carte blanche to claw their way onto mainstream TV. Before Big Brother and The Osbournes, before Google searches, and certainly before Twitter allowed you to ‘follow’ those who you really wanted to touch. To the young me famous people were mythical creatures who starred in the films that allowed me to escape my reality and I always wondered what it was (Warhol’s philosophy aside) that compelled them into positions of fame, notice or notoriety in the first place.

When I was a teenager I often wandered (whilst mucking out the stables) whether Madonna knew that she was different when she was a little girl or whether someone else – maybe in the smallest of ways – gave her a kind of permission – opened a door for her (figuratively speaking) – that allowed her to believe that her dreams were achievable and in doing so gave her the push/confidence/competence to fight for them. I can’t comment on Madonna as a person because although I have been within two feet of her (at Live8 and an MTV awards ceremony) I have never looked her in the eye. I was too scared. But she was an icon for me and I won’t stand for Madonna-bashing. So don’t even go there!… It’s just an example.

In fact I can’t say I have any great answers on this at all…I am simply musing because I saw my famous friend this weekend and it was great. I would also make the point that we cannot lump all ‘the famous’ into a pot together. Let me make it abundantly clear that I am not writing this post to put famous people (or my famous friend) up on a pedestal, or to posit them as being somehow better, or more worthy than us ‘ordinary’ folk.

HELL NO.

I have met a number of famous people who are not only void of any discernable manners whatsoever but are also incorigable tosspots. In fact, maybe we should replace the word famous with the word talented for the rest of this post, because that’s what we’re really talking about here. Talent.

Because my ‘famous/talented’ friend is in possession of a truly brilliant mind, and over the years I have found that being around that mind makes my own better and broader. Properly talented people give off something. They do. It’s kind of an aura. It feels a bit like the warm sun on your face. Yet my famous friend is glowy and sweet and interesting to me not just because I know that he is capable of things that I am not, but also because I know that he was an EPIC DWEEB when he was at school. He is in possession of a social grace of which I will always be envious yet he still does moronic things around girls he thinks are pretty and frets that they don’t fancy him back when they clearly do. He can make barmaids fall in love before he’s even taken his coat off yet he struggles to control a self-destructive streak that would make Keith Richards blush. He’s fragile. And I hate it when he gets slagged off (in the papers or other wise) by people who don’t know him. But on that note I have come to realise that those who treat him that way do so because something about him seems to be like a mirror to them in which they see their own failings (or maybe feel the loss of their own dreams). It’s a strange thing to witness, but I have done so many times. It can’t be very nice for them, but the truth is that we all have demons, including him. I also worry about him when people try to convince him that he should be doing more ‘normal’ things…living a more ‘standard’ life…being more ‘ordinary’…like what he’s doing does not constitute a grown up life or something…

WTF???

WHY?!!!

He does try sometimes, bless him, because they convince him that he’s somehow in the wrong. But it never works, and the truth is (again) that these people are not supporting his betterment in the slightest, instead they are trying to bring him down to their level so that they might feel a bit bigger themselves. I understand it I think, but I do NOT approve. 

So, with all this in mind, here’s what I say… 

Maybe you already have a famous friend?

Maybe you fancy acquiring one?*

*I wholeheartedly recommend it.

Or maybe – as is more likely – you know someone who is in possession of a genuine TALENT who is a little out of the ordinary and often at odds with the world because of it - because they don’t yet know what to do with it.

Maybe that person is you???

Well, even though my contribution to cultural society is microscopic, I can relate…

I know that when I finished mucking out those stables and went back to the caravan we used as the staffroom to fashion myself a cheese and bean toastie I had an inkling that my life was going to be a bit different and that it was likely to get a bit weird.

I was right on all counts and I couldn’t be happier. But that weird was only made possible, feasible, acceptable and not laughable because a handful of people made me believe not only that it was ok to want something that seemed extraordinary, but that to live in an extraordinary way – and by that I do NOT just mean to become famous in the bloody media! Jeeez! – was to be encouraged at ALL times!

So, to you my ‘famous’ friend I continue to send my encouragement and my love….

WRITE THAT BLOODY SCRIPT!!! 

(& put my name in the credits or there will be trouble) 

And to YOU blog friend I say stop for a moment and think of all the people in your orbit who might be in possession of an extraordinary talent and a little bit of crazy – even if that talent be only the ability to burp the alphabet whilst doing a headstand – and ENCOURAGE them!

Make them do it MORE, BETTER and OFTEN. Be the person to open that door for them…to give them permission…to set their crazy free…to help them realise their genius and support them while they produce something AMAZING.

You won’t regret it, you’ll get to ride the wave with them, and they might even take you to a few genuinely swanky members clubs… Just try not to stare…

Whatever happens, you won’t be bored and surely that’s what it’s all about!

Ok, gotta fly, new show starts tomorrow…

As to the rest, I’ll keep you posted…

“It’s not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on”

Marilyn Monroe

So finally I can tell you that I am going back to XFM.

In radio terms it feels a lot like coming home.

Now let me say, right off the bat, that that doesn’t mean I heart BBC6Music any less.

Au contraire!

I continue to adore 6Music from the bottom of my socks. Also - because the people who populate radio stations don’t actually (and contrary to popular belief) consider each other mortal enemies who must dual to the death at dawn armed only with broken off Evoke ariels - you will continue to hear me on 6 whenever they need me and I am available. It will be, as always, a pleasure. 

But this post is not about 6Music. This post is about XFM - the original indie radio station, and it is written as a homage to the people who keep its flaming spirit stoked.

Because from the moment I was able to share my news people have been collaring me to try to intellectualise about XFM’s current place in the indie radio pantheon. I’m at Crimbo parties just minding my own egg-nog when they sidle over, determined to line up these two great stations in some sort of sonic sack race.

Well it’s nonsense and it needs to bloody stop! These comparisons are not only stonkingly unfair, but they are also pretty much redundant. And let me tell you why…

I know XFM and I love it. And more than that, I RESPECT it for what it has done for the British radio landscape since long before 6Music was even a twinkle in a restless executive’s eye. I admire it for its BALLS, its TENACITY and its bloody RESILIENCE during tragic periods of under-investment and crippling commercial constraint. Because, that’s right, it’s a COMMERCIAL radio station. That’s why you simply cannot compare it to the BBC.

Now, those hard times weren’t any one person’s fault (and I would have no interest in pointing fingers even if they were - do you think I’m STOOPID?!!) but they had a cataclysmic effect on the mojo of a station that was already ill-prepared for the day when the industry (and therefore the kids) went off guitars a bit.

Which they did.

I also say THANK YOU to XFM for all the broadcasters, producers and talents that it has put on paths to greatness. ALL the presenters I hero-worship have been on XFM and some of them I am now lucky enough to call my colleagues and my friends. Apart from Russell - I never could get up the courage to say Hiya to him when were both at MTV. I was always scared he would evicerate me with a single sentence and render me quite useless for interviewing Hollywood types on TRL. Then of course he promptly went and became one himself …*sigh*… I am now waiting for Shaun.W.Keaveny to do something similar, hopefully in time for The Expendibles 7.

But I digress.

I guess the thing I want to say here - the notion I’d like to float - is that maybe it’s time to see XFM for what it is right now and what it fully intends to be in the future, rather than to endlessly bang-on about what it was at a time when the British broadcasting landscape was utterly and completely different.

It’s a point about fair comparisons….and overly-harsh judgements…and…most crucially…about perception. I believe that XFM deserves to be staunchly defended against those tiny but noisy factions (and their associated hipsters and know-it-alls) who like to trumpet its decline and use 6Music as the stick with which to beat it. Not a single person I know at 6Music would want that.

I won’t bore regular readers of this blog by raking over my personal journey to this standpoint, but for newcomers I will ‘radio edit’ by saying that I am a childhood radio ‘anorak’ and music obsessive who managed to wangle her way on air in her late teens. I was a travel girl, then a news girl, then a presenter, then a ‘bigger’ presenter (whatever that means) then on telly a bit (MTV) then at XFM for the first time in 2007/8. After that I took a break to look after mi’Ma in South Africa then went to Uni (at last!) and worked part-time at BBC6Music while I did my English Lit degree.

I’ve been around a bit.

That said I will also fully acknowledge that I am not ‘qualified’ to make comment on the comings and goings of the British broadcasting industry AT ALL. I am not a journalist and I am certainly not a critic. I am just a worker who cares about music, creativity and audiences. I believe 100% in radio as a means of communication, information, and enrichment and as a blissful escape from the drudgery of life.

Radio is, and has always been, my friend. 

So there is my disclaimer. Don’t go bitching about me you internet forum people. 

GO OUT. Get some fresh air.

Now,

My creative writing lecturer always told me that you should write what you know.

Well, here’s what I know about XFM:

XFM is, and always will be, driven by a love of and a respect for music. We LIVE music. We have promoted artists like Mumford & Sons from their very beginnings on Xposure with John Kennedy to the dizzy heights of international stadium greatness. And we don’t stop playing them at that point. We play them MORE! We play the music that OUR audience want to hear and we are constantly working on doing that better. We obsess over new music, like everyone else, but we don’t aim to ‘educate’ anyone musically. Other people can do that much better than us because they have the resources to do so. No, we are here to play big tunes and big new tunes. That’s what WE do.

We have friends too, people like NME, Rocksmith, and War Child with whom we make great content and a tangible difference in ever-reducing industry spaces.

And then there’s the staff…

I KNOW that every single person who works at XFM (and many of those who no longer do) continues to believe wholeheartedly in the station and what it stands for. Yet we are a TINY team. Proper tiny. Something like 7 designated staff plus presenters, across BOTH STATIONS. And these unbelievably passionate people keep the fires alive whatever the odds…and let me tell you, those odds have been TOUGH. 

There is no license fee here. If we are to win an increase in our budget from our parent company Global Radio then we have to EARN it - which we fully intend to do. Global Radio believes in XFM as much as everybody else does. I believe that personally now and I will say that I haven’t always. They have kept us on their portfolio (where else would we go?) when they really didn’t need to and I think they deserve credit for that* Our ad-breaks, sponsorship deals and brand hook-ups sit among big, popular, anthemic tunes because that’s what we’re about. We play hits. 

*Again, I fully acknowledge that there is a much larger discussion to be had here and again i’ll decline to get any further into it because I AIN’T BLOODY STOOPID!!!

XFM is not the BBC and the BBC is not XFM. But nor are they against us (well, certainly not in my experience) and we are certainly not against them. I can’t say the same for the likes of Absolute Radio and Real XS, but that’s a fair fight for which I have already sharpened my Evoke tip and for which they too are game. You can bring THAT shit ON!! 

But for now I would just like to stand on my guitar amp with my hands on my hips and my shoulders back and say proudly that I am back at XFM because there are GREAT things happening that I am GAGGING to become a part of. 

The XFM force has become STRONG again.

*(I also have to get Jon Holmes back for making me ‘Bob for CDs’ in a mop bucket of water one Saturday morning - but we’ll keep that under our hats)

So, with that in mind, I’ll finish with one last (respectful) request:

If you don’t already listen to XFM, or if you stopped listening for any particular reason…Give us a try again in 2013.

Just to make sure…

Ok?

And listen to us with fresh ears knowing that we are now the happy underdog in this crazy, multi-platform world and we will soon be bustin’ out of our kennel. No harking backwards though, ok? Promise? Those were unique times which cannot be replicated. Besides, you can go to the podcasts and YouTube for all that.

Listen only forwards this time….and see what you think.

As to the rest…

I’ll keep you posted.

My clever friend Malc Stone took a picture of me at Homoelectric in which I look half-decent. This is RARE.

Is it narcissism to share it?

Yes.

Do I care?

Nope.

When you look at it for the second time, note my mutant MANHAND.